It’s been a while since I wrote a post. Partly, due to personal matters which had obstructed my enthusiasm to write. In contrast is the importance of my blog and its impact with helping me to realize what gratification means to me. Because gratification is subjective, it is not my intent to impose my portrayal of what it should look like on anyone. It is, however, my hope that my efforts encourage you to find your own gratification.
Lately, my gratification involved me taking a break from everything happening around me, besides work. It meant going home to a quiet and peaceful existence to do whatever I wanted or not wanted to do; NOT talking on the telephone; NOT watching the news to hear about the violence; and NOT connecting with anyone that exposed me to anything outside of my soothing habitat.
During that aforementioned time, I decided to catch up on good books and watch lighthearted television shows and movies. Initially, I was inhibited by stress. Eventually, I realized that I was doing what I desired; and so I began to relax, and allow my mind to carelessly wonder without purpose. This was my serenity and mental refuge for that time period.
Suddenly, without warning, my tranquility vanished; encroached upon by socially conditioned philosophies. I began to assess my behavior – quiet enjoyment or avoidance; alone by choice or alone by default; independence or dependence. I’m attractive and I’m supposed to have a significant other that adores me and I him. Therein lies the problem – I had surrendered my soothing habitat to what society considered to be the norm for a single, middle-aged female as it relates to my personal and social lives. I had succumbed to the victim awaiting the hero called man to rescue me from my dilemma – single, middle-age, and alone.
As I began to analyze my quandary, I realized that I am nobody’s victim and that there is a huge difference between being alone and being lonely. I am NOT lonely. I have the power to choose my quiet sanctuary whenever I desire and need it. Additionally, I realized that I really enjoy spending time with myself, relaxing and revitalizing my intelligence.
I thought about how hard I had worked to finally become an independent woman and all of the obstacles that I had to overcome and smiled at the thought of my accomplishments. It is no easy task to start over with your personal and professional lives in your mid 40s! Victim – Hell no! Choosy – Absolutely! I earned the right to be as particular as I desire. I then walked into the bathroom and looked into the mirror. I patted the image goggling back at me on the back and walked back to my room to finish watching the delightful movie with a renewed appreciation for my autonomy.